saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
