1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
