If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
