I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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