I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I will pee on everything he values.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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