Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
