i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
