i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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