we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
