Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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