Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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