so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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