we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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