So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
