That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
