Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
