the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
