I faked an abortion last night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
