i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
