My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
