I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Someone signed my nipple.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
