just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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