I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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