I want to have your abortion
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
