carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She bit a glass in half.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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