someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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