I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
