Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
