I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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