my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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