im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He kissed a someone with a penis
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My liver just had a heart attack.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
