Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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