I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
