did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
