You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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