you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
