And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
