When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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