You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
