Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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