I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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