is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
