Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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