We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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