You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
