My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
