so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
