im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
