Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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