i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am naked and annoyed.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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