Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
