I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
